Sorry, Not Sorry!

It's not bitch-face, I'm focused.
It’s not bitch-face, I’m focused.

10 Things I Will No Longer Apologize For…

…Now that I’m a mom.

I used to seek approval. I used to be hyper-concerned about the opinions, needs, and feelings of others. So much so, that I would let it trump my own needs, time and time again.

Me: I’m dying for sushi.
Friend: I hate sushi, let’s have pizza.
Me: Sorry! Ok! Whatever you want!

Then I had a baby.

I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again- unless it lives under my roof and/or shares my bloodline, it’s likely not going affect my daily choices…

I am now happiest when my daughter is well-fed, well-rested and well-entertained. When my husband had a good day at work and comes home to find his house at peace. When my doggy greets me with a tail wag and a kiss. When I successfully get dinner on the table, and it’s edible.

It’s not that I pride myself on giving zero F’s, I still care very much about a lot of things not related to my home… I just refuse to apologize for them anymore. In the past, doing any of these things and not immediately apologizing would have made me lose sleep, I assure you, but as of now…

Please don’t expect an apology for the following:

10. Not answering your text immediately.
Unless you are bleeding or in labor, it can wait. My phone will likely end up covered in spit up, left behind in the car, or thrown on the floor before I realize I need to answer you.

9. My semi-chronic bitch-face.
When out and about with baby in the middle of summer in south Florida, I am only concerned with making it out of the car, into the store, and back out again without a baby meltdown or poop
explosion. It’s not bitch-face, it’s focus. Sheer determination if you will.

8. Ignoring your questions about the arrival of baby #2.
Not even going to go there. If you’re a new mom you’ll understand. I love this one baby I’ve got balanced on my hip right now, she’s great, I’m back in my jeans… Just … NO

7. Justifying my C-Section.
My body, my choice, people. But actually, I didn’t have a choice, it was medically necessary, and it doesn’t concern you.
6. Running late.
On average, it takes us a good 45 minutes to an hour to get out of the house in the morning. Then another ten minutes to get all the gear in the car, then another ten for the vomit fest that happens just when I start the car. Then I have to change my shirt and apply more deodorant because I have most likely sweat through it.
I’ll likely be running late, and again, unless you’re bleeding or in labor, don’t take it personally.

5. Justifying my need to stop breastfeeding
A medical necessity yet again, lay off.

4. Canceling plans.
Babies do not get a briefing or a rundown of the plans each morning upon wake up. I swear I do consult with Bella, but I almost always end up answering my own questions. We make our plans, and then we hope for the best. Babies teethe, they get fussy, they miss naps, the pediatrician ran late, mommy is now exhausted, thus forcing said plans to lose major importance.

3. Not being interested in your unsolicited advice.
When you were my age, pregnant women were not warned about the dangers of cigarette smoking…. So, thanks, but no thanks.

2. Ignoring and deleting conspiracy theorist groupies.
Oh, that fake medial website insists the CDC is covering up the governments scam to spread disease through diapers and teething rings? Please, spare me, and get a life while you’re at it.

1. Not letting you “pet” my baby.
If I don’t know your name, if I didn’t hand my baby off to you, if she isn’t a Dalmatian named Spot, if you are the checkout girl at Publix who follows me around trying to squeeze my daughter’s leg- stay away. Stay far away.

And don’t expect an apology when I tell you to keep it moving.


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