Abandoning Reckless Abandon

  I couldn’t WAIT for last night’s girls night out. I had organized a girls-only birthday dinner for a good friend of mine and was fantasizing about the wine hitting my lips in an environment other than my living room. Literally, fantasizing. 
I was also dying to see my friends in an environment other than mommy and me or the mall. I was just as excited as my first trip to Vegas 7 years ago. I wish I were exaggerating. 
But then, something happened … I woke up the day of this planned birthday celebration with a knot in my stomach. Like, the type of knot you’d feel before a first date or a job interview. I panicked – hardcore.
What? Am I the only new mother who has freaked out about the opportunity to get out for a night and let loose?
Listen- I’m all about the latter, or I guess I used to be. 
Before I became a mom, I never understood what my mom meant when she would say “no matter what I’m doing, I’m always worrying about you.” Jeez, as usual, my mom had a point.
It’s all fun and games until you are woken up at 7am by the sweet sounds of your hungry baby. Until you’re still the one who has to roll your old, tired ass up out of bed and start the mommy show. Until the night you’re up past 10pm becomes the first night in history your child wakes you up at 2am.
I laugh thinking of the nights out my husband and I had pre-Bella. When one of us only had to budge the next morning, sometime before noon, just to let the dog out. 
Partying with reckless abandon, I call it.
Well, when I entered motherhood, I quickly abandoned reckless abandon.
I can’t even deny it, I was the old lady on Saturday night that I never thought I’d be.
Visibly buzzed off of half a gin and tonic, I couldn’t shake the thought of getting home super-exhausted, having to work the following morning AND having to switch into mommymode about 3 hours earlier than my body would be ready for.
I was as uptight as I’d ever been. The girl I always used to roll my eyes at. The girl who probably could have used another drink. I couldn’t believe it.
But, I have to say it, I’m not sorry. 
This is who I am now. 
I’m beyond proud that I am the mother I never thought I could be. The mother who favors flip flops over heels, late mornings in bed with my family over late nights out, take-out over reservations. Cuddling up next to my husband instead of being squeezed in next to him at a crowded bar. Waking up to my daughters smile instead of a hangover. 
I still love my girl time to death, and cherish my friendships more than ever, and am so happy to have celebrated such a deserving friend. (I love you Bethy).
But I will never, ever, leave the house again, without mommyhood on my mind.
I’ve happily abandoned reckless abandon. 

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