You Don’t Understand 

I try to keep this blog as positive as possible, but ever since the feeling of separation anxiety has consumed me now that my child is in day care, there are a few things I no will no longer stand to hear.

Yes, this is my first child. 

Yes, she’s still very young and yes, she’s an “easy” baby. 

But rest assured, if she were my second, third or fourth, if she were a two-year-old nightmare running rampant through my house – I’d still feel the effects of having to part with my child, at any age, for any reason.

I’m very open with discussing my feelings on the topic. When friends, family or coworkers ask “how it’s going,” I can’t help but mention that the dreaded “it” has been very, incredibly tough on me.  
I have received so much comfort from family and friends that know me well, but there is always the other side of that coin.

I have received advice that only pains me more, comments that make me want to scream and eye rolls that make me want to scream louder.

“Oh please, you’ll get over it eventually.” (This one pisses me off the most)

“Haha, oh you’re THAT mom.” (What mom, exactly, are you referring to? The one that would rather be enjoying her 7 month old infant all day? Yea, piss off, that’s me)

“Omg what’s wrong with you?! I couldn’t WAIT to get back to work,” eye roll included. (Sorry, not sorry, but I couldn’t WAIT to raise my child. 

Look, I made this decision to go back to work because it was the best choice for my family as a whole. Nothing is more important to me than the wellbeing of my family so I’m doing this regardless of how much it hurts to kiss my baby goodbye every morning at 8am. 

But I did NOT sign up for everyone’s unsympathetic opinions and advice.

The truth is, no one under the golden sun (aside from my husband, my mother and a few close friends) have any idea why I harbor the emotion and sensitivity that I do.

No one could ever understand why for me, giving Bella up each morning pains me the way that it does.

No one could ever understand exactly why becoming a mother to my Bella brought me the happiness and strength I was searching for my whole life.

No one, absolutely no one, could understand the need I have to feel constantly connected to my little human, the one who can’t speak for herself yet and the one who seeks comfort in my arms.

And no one besides me gets to carry around the pit I have in my stomach, day in, day out, and every other moment in between. No one.

So until you know me, my story, where I came from, what I’ve been through and exactly why I am this being of sensitivity and attachment…..

Please keep your opinions and eye rolls on this very delicate topic to yourselves.

Thanks in advance.  

 

One thought on “You Don’t Understand 

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