It’s Monday night, I’m beyond exhausted, and this is by far the best night I’ve had in while. Bella was begging for sleep by 6:45pm (thanks to another great school day), my husband isn’t home and aside from the sleeping baby, I basically have the house to myself.
This almost never happens.
So I’ve spent the last 2 hours doing what any mom with not enough time to herself would do.
I threw my hair up in a bun, put on my ugliest and baggiest sweats, slipped on my big furry slippers and proceeded to saute a bag of kale in some garlic and lemon juice. It tastes great, I swear, but this concoction produces a stench that my husband always comments on, so I tend to avoid this recipe when he is around. But I love it, and I sauteed away with this weird sense of excitement. Like that feeling when you’re in junior high and your parents leave you home alone for the first time.
Ugh, I can’t believe I just admitted that.
Dinner table? I ate dinner on the couch, sitting indian-style, drinking wine out of a juice glass while completely intrigued by The Housewives of Orange County, the trashiest piece of trash to hit the airwaves in years. And I loved every minute of it.
Ugh, I can feel you rolling your eyes at the cliche that is my life.
Hubby called and will still be out a little while longer – guess I’ll finally take care of some much needed waxing. I am fully blasting my Beyonce playlist now, and I giggle thinking of how hard my husband would laugh if he walked in and saw me now… But I wax on… in total bliss. This wild night in is turning out beautifully.
Haha, wow. I TOTALLY just admitted that.
I am on my second glass of wine now and thinking of the days when I would have dreaded a night in alone. Until recently, I really did not know how to be alone. I was always amazed by my husband, whose idea of a good time involved a couch, a TV remote and silence.
Until recently, my idea of a good time was anything spent out of the house and anything spent in the company of others. Being alone terrified me. I would make plans I had no interest in, with people whose names I don’t even remember now, just to avoid a night like tonight’s.
They say you can’t find the joy in being alone with yourself if you’re unhappy with who you are… and I’m finding there may have been some truth to that.
I guess this goes hand in hand with the joy and inner peace that becoming a mom has brought me. Before motherhood, it seemed I was always on the hunt, searching for another form of happy, and hoping that a shallow night out would fill that void for me. Sitting home alone, doing nothing, always seemed like a constant reminder that something was missing, no matter how much joy my husband, family and friends brought me.
Well, the void has been filled, the joy has been found, my cup has runneth over, whatever you want to say – it happened.
And now, after 31 long years of constantly being on the run – I can enjoy this evening of pure bliss. Pure, fulfilling, exciting, bliss.
The bliss only a busy working mom who devotes her life to helping others could feel. The satisfaction that comes from indulging in all guilty pleasures in the span of a few hours.
And the waxing… let’s not forget the waxing.
A few years ago, a night like this would have left me feeling utterly depressed.
But now, I have never, ever, felt more at peace.
Well, there goes my second glass of wine. Time for a 9:30 bedtime.
Damn, this night just keeps getting better.