An Open Letter to Miley Cyrus

Dear Miley,

I have so much to say, I don’t even know where to begin. To put it simply, you terrify me.
 I found out that I was pregnant with a girl not too long after your infamous VMA performance with Robin Thicke.

 You know, the one where you felt the need to simulate sex with a giant foam hand while sticking your insanely-long tongue out all over the place and ruining Robin Thicke’s street cred. I spent that day thinking of how fucking hard it is to be a girl in this world, and how hard it would be to raise a good one – and I literally couldn’t get you, that foam hand, or your damn tongue out of my head.

I am one of the millions of Americans that watched you grow up on the Disney Channel. By the time you were 15, you were photographed for a magazine wearing nothing but a sheet – you were so naturally beautiful, in such a sweet way… But I think we all knew what was coming when we saw you in that sheet. 
In the 7 years since the sheet, I’ve watched you unveil this “character” of sorts. The shorter your hair got, the more outlandish you became. The shorter your hair got, the more revealing your outfits became… Good thing you can’t cut your hair any shorter, your last public appearance was the one with those pasties, remember? 
You terrify me Miley, for the same reason any mother would be terrified. You are vulgar, extreme, and defiant to the core. You are oversexed, outspoken about it, and show up in public smoking pot to prove a point. In your Elle interview you were asked if your managers have pushed you to become this “character,” and you admitted they try to tone you down, with your response being “I just do the opposite of what they tell me.” No one, and I mean NO ONE, hopes and prays for a daughter who does the opposite of what their parents or “managers” think is best.
I’m not that much older than you Miley, and I’ve done much of what you brag about – only I never took it upon myself to parade it around the way you do. 
Can I ask you one favor? Can you tone it the fuck down? Just a little bit? Great, thanks…
Now that THATS settled, let me tell what I’d definitely like for you to continue doing for my little girl, and women everywhere. Yes, I know that by the time my daughter is old enough to know what’s what, you’ll probably have retired or married a billionaire… But let me tell you, you’re not all bad, little lady.
Can you continue to let my daughter know that if she chooses to love a man, a woman, both, whatever, that it’s totally ok to do so. (Just please stick your tongue back in your mouth – I don’t want her picking up that habit).
Can you continue to brag about the fact that you have small breasts and that you refuse to get implants to fit society’s ideal of “sexy”? I actually like that about you. (Just please stop showing up at events wearing pasties, I definitely don’t want my daughter doing that).
Can you continue to shed light on the fact that many young women suffer from depression, way before they can even understand what it means? In your Elle interview, you said that you are “anti-medication,” which I guess explains all the Pot… That makes sense, and I totally agree with your means of medicating. (Just please stop galavanting around town smoking weed, I don’t need my daughter getting arrested for something that’s still illegal in a lot of places. You can definitely still advocate for it though).
Lastly, can you lose your “fuck the world” attitude? Or maybe realize that the world, as messed up and hypocritical as it is, isn’t out to get you, Miley. It’s not a personal attack, and your FTW attitude sadly won’t change much in the bigger picture. 
There’s a fine line between advocating for all that you believe in, and just coming off like a crazed lunatic. 

You’ve crossed the line girl, take a few steps back, and we’ll all still listen to what you’ve got brewing in that brain of yours.
The bottom line Miley, we know you’re “just being Miley” and that’s cool… Just please try and do it with a little less tongue.
With Love,
The Trusted Mama 


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