I never in my wildest dreams imagined I’d be lucky enough to become a
mother. I also, never in my wildest dreams imagined I’d become eerilysimilar to MY mother. Oh, and I definitely never thought I’d be the motherhood-obsessed freak that I am now… But apart from that, there are so many things I swore I’d NEVER do.
Well, people – Never say never. I am living proof of that.
Here are the top 7 things I never EVER thought I’d be guilty of in motherhood..
7. Ruffles and Bows
When I first found out I was having a girl, and one of my best friends made a comment about how fun it will be to dress her up all the time, I distinctly remember saying, “ugh, no hot pink, and DEFINITELY no bows or ruffly shit. Ever.”
That lasted about 24 hours. The proof? Her first postpartum photo shoot. Oh, and then there’s this…
6. Dropping the obsessive exercise/diet compulsion
“I am definitely not going to let a baby stop my workout routine.I will workout religiously throughout my pregnancy to at least keep my arms and legs in shape.”
Well – I worked out a handful of times in my first trimester…But by the third time I had to get off the elliptical to pee/vomit/catch my breath, I threw in the towel. Literally.
Postpartum? My arms and legs are NOT what they used to be. The proof is in the pudding, or the pizza I just ate (also a pretty literal comparison)…
5. Welcoming carbs back to the party
Because for more years than I’d like to admit to, carbs were more of the ebola- ridden enemy, in my eyes. I shunned them, I hated them, I couldn’t be trusted around them and I basically couldn’t be in the same room as them without feeling as if I needed to run a half-marathon.
Then, I got pregnant – and carbs were the only food source that didn’t make me sick.
Then, I breastfed – and carbs were the only form of sustenance that sustained me and kept my milk supply somewhat decent.
Then, I stopped breastfeeding, and well, I wasn’t ready to say goodbye to my morning oatmeal.
Then, I decided I enjoyed eating like a normal human being.
Welcome back, carbs!
Well, when your day revolves around taking care of everyone else but yourself, sweating through your shirts in the Florida heat while toting your baby around, putting the stroller in the car and then taking it out of the car (an average of 36 billion times a day), coming home after sitting through rush hour with a screaming child in the backseat, to a dog that desperately needs to be walked while your now starving baby’s diaper is leaking on to your hip…
You tell me if you won’t need a glass of wine the exact SECOND your child hits the crib for the night.
3. Being the cliche coffee-obsessed mom
Take everything from #7 and imagine doing even a fraction of that on no caffeine.
End of story.
I love you, Starbucks. And your drive-thru locations.
2. Compulsively posting photos of my child to social media
“You’ll never catch me posting photos of my kid all the time on Facebook,” I once said.
Well, that was as much of a lie as the ruffles and bows thing.
Sorry, not sorry – I am so damn proud of that delicious face I created and I will share and keep sharing forever.
1. Being so damn in love with motherhood that it’s all I talk about.
Again, sorry not sorry. I’ve FINALLY found my happiness – inmotherhood, in Bella, in everything related to my life now as I know it… and I’ll never shut-up about it.