The Sleepless Mama Thought Process 

Nothing messes up a delicious deep sleep like a screaming baby. Nothing.
When my little angel, who normally sleeps like a rock for 11 hours straight, woke up at 2:30am two mornings ago and proceeded to want to hang out until around 4:30am, all sorts of weird things started happening in my head.
Here are the top 5 things I am convinced that all moms think of when their babies are up during ungodly hours of the night..
1. Who else is dealing with this right now? Is there a support group of sleepless wretched women I can reach out to?
I realized how lucky I was to not deal with this on a daily, or nightly, basis. I probably wouldn’t survive, so I have a newfound respect for all you moms who do deal with it. Like – serious respect… Like, I think you could run the world and solve all of its problems type of respect.
2. Wow I never realized how good I was at math until 3am today.
From the moment I was awoken until the two hours later when I finally tiptoed out of her room like a ninja in some Matrix movie- my math skills were ON POINT. With each passing second I analyzed the time, how much sleep I could get if she would just let me put her down rightfuckingnow, and how to minimize any energy exertion for the following day. The answer to my math equation?
E=MCtiredmama
3. Speaking of Ninja’s, I could have been one.
You don’t realize the weight of your own body or the creakiness of your floorboards until you are trying to escape a sleeping baby’s room. I am laughing now, thinking of what it must have looked like as I tried to make my smooth getaway. I squatted as low as possible, while still managing to sumo-walk out of her room on my tippy toes all while holding my breath.
And now my glutes, quads and hamstrings are on fire.
4. I want to buy a police siren to blast in my husbands ear. Where do they sell these?
When the screams of your child jolt you out of bed at 2:30am and you look over at your husband and realize he couldn’t look more peaceful, terrible things go through your mind. At least they do for me. Do I hit him? Do I push him gently off the bed? Do I shove the monitor into his ear canal? Or should I just scream into a microphone next to his side of the bed at the top of my lungs.
(Love you, babe)
5. I wouldn’t trade this moment for the world.
When the moment stills and her body weight sinks into mine and her little baby breaths feel warm against my collarbone and send chills up my spine I am convinced…
There is not a mama in the world who would trade these moments for any amount of sleep in the world.

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