I’ll be honest- I get really wrapped in the female perspective of parenting. Accept this guest post as a gift of goodness and a double dose of daddy’ing done right. From my good friend, talented writer and designer, Ruben Cabrera of The Morning Coffee Project.
Coming to you live, from my porch swing, hoping I finish this before I hear the Hot Dog Dance, then Mickey and ALL the homies start assaulting us with their wild dance moves! HOT DOG!
Parent or not, I know damn well that you know the Hot Dog Dance… and if for some reason you are blessed enough not to, I pray you never do. (*prayer hands & crying face emoji*)
I think all folks who have children or who plan to can all agree on one thing: parenthood is slightly terrifying. For me, it was scary at first, and I suppose it still is, for all of the obvious reasons; everything from butt rashes to screwing them up emotionally for the rest of their lives. That second one is even scary to read (don’t re-read that sentence, I had mild anxiety typing it.)
But as a father, I suppose my next biggest fear is NOT being able to break “The Cycle.” Dads, you know what I’m talking about. Ladies, if you still don’t get it after you read this, take your sugar on a sunny afternoon date somewhere and pick his brain about it. Then hug him.
BREAKING THE CYCLE:
Some of us barely knew our fathers growing up, some of us NEVER had any. A lot of us spend almost the first 30 years of our lives being angry at those men.
Some guys had great dads, I’m sure of it. And for a long while there have been generations of boys (and girls) raised by men (or women) who’ve left scars (physical, mental, or emotional) on them.
My apologies if that took a dark turn; I promise this isn’t to marsh your mallows, but the point I’m making is, I feel like WE, as parents, are learning from the “children are to be seen and not heard” generation. I look around at my peers and I see a generation of young parents, some tattooed AF with super eclectic styles & some with super conservative and traditional values, CELEBRATING their children, loving them unconditionally (that means NO MATTER WHAAAAAATTT) and it is AWESOME!
I wish I could tell you that by the time your kids are adults, society is going to figure it’s shit out, but we all know that’s not the case. If you can read I’m sure you’ve read a quote that says something like:
“BE THE CHANGE YOU WISH TO SEE IN THE WORLD”
Super cliché huh? No doubt, but I look at it like this, I can’t change the world over night, I can’t stop other people who spread hate, negativity, and bigotry, and I can’t stop those same people from having kids.
The ONLY thing I can do is raise decent human beings – all three of them. I can teach my son compassion and understanding before all the machismo. I’ll try my hardest to make sure that my daughters know the immense and awe-inspiring POWER that Women hold.
I wish my children could know how much I love them. Any time we spend apart, I spend hating that I wasn’t more patient with them or wishing I would’ve smiled more around them before I had to leave again.
I find myself wondering if my mom felt that way too, or even if she STILL feels like that. My mind wanders even further into the way that she has always been. The good, the bad, the love, the moments of misunderstanding, the things that may have hurt me. Maybe she, like me, is the byproduct of society.
Maybe you can’t blame anyone else, but I know she‘s a living breathing human and the same way I have faults, I’m sure she’s had hers a lot longer. Whatever demons I may have faced I’m sure she’s known hers own all my life. Who’s to say I’m not a reminder of one of those old friends?
I mean she taught me great lessons in parenting, whether it be how to or how not to parent. So if whatever I’ve felt was needed to be felt for my children to have a better father (I hope) and future, then so be it.
Sometimes we go through things so others won’t have to. What can I do better so my children’s children will live happily into their adulthood?
Maybe she just got lost on her way. Maybe it’s too late to get her back but, HOT DIGGITY DOG, it’s my fuel to “break the cycle.”
To my sourpatch Kids, my Coconuts, my sugar cubes:
A kiss for Jupiter, one for Mars. One for the Moon and a bunch for the Stars.
Peace, Love, Morning Coffee